A Surrogate’s Journey: Balancing Life, Care, and Selflessness

When Sherry Santana De Leon first contemplated surrogacy, she approached it with careful consideration. Her initial thought came during financial difficulties faced in her first marriage while being a stay-at-home mom. Although she considered egg donation, she did not meet the criteria. Nonetheless, the idea of helping others persisted.

After meeting her husband Benjamin in 2015, she introduced the topic to him. Initially hesitant, he took time to research, which proved pivotal. Through dialogues with someone who had been a surrogate, he gained a personal understanding, leading to a change in perspective. Sherry applied to become a surrogate, and soon she was matched with a family.

The first journey was rewarding, though she never expected what followed. The parents, already having a child through surrogacy, requested her to carry another because of past difficulties with another surrogate. At the time, Sherry was pregnant with their first child and wanted to reflect on her journey before deciding. After a safe c-section delivery, they all agreed to proceed with the final embryo. This child was Emily.

During her pregnancy with Emily, the world shifted rapidly in March 2020. Concerns about closed borders and canceled flights became real. Sherry was due in early June. She asked Benjamin if they could care for Emily temporarily, should the intended parents be unable to travel from China. He agreed, understanding the potential challenges.

“Could we take care of the baby?”

By May, their plans changed. Emily’s parents were unable to travel, and Sherry was asked if they’d care for Emily until her parents could arrive. She could not bear the thought of Emily going into a children’s home, given her own foster care experiences. They decided to care for Emily.

Emily arrived as a responsibility to nurture until reunited with her parents. Sherry and her family loved Emily dearly. The temporary addition changed their daily lives. Emily called Sherry “mama,” and Sherry had to remind herself of the temporary nature of this relationship.

Breastfeeding Emily created a deep connection. Sherry found purpose during the pandemic, likening it to fostering—something her past had inclined her towards. During those eight months, the family stayed connected with Emily’s parents. Even after her father traveled back to China with her, they communicated via FaceTime.

Once Emily returned to her family, it marked a difficult yet prepared-for transition. Sherry and her children experienced profound loss. Life adjusted with the birth of Sherry’s unexpected son, which offered a new focus without replacing their emotions for Emily.

Sherry emphasizes that surrogacy goes beyond financial assistance. It’s emotional and requires substantial support. It involves prioritizing the child’s and the family’s needs above all.

Surrogacy gave a family a chance they might not have had otherwise, and for Sherry, it was transformative.

Sherry Santana de Leon, 34, is from San Bernardino, California. She is a nurse and surrogate mother. You can follow her on Instagram at @ben_sherry_420.